My story - 3 May 2009

It is difficult to write this part. Even after almost two months it is so hard.
On Sunday morning we had an extended breakfast, a relaxed day with still getting lots of things done like cleaning the apartment. For dinner I cooked a really nice meal, asparagus with new potatoes, a first timer for me. I had lots of wine with it, my husband fortunately a bit less. After dinner Luke went ahead and started making brownies to take with him to work the next day since they were planning to give him their gift for our wedding. While he made the dough I uploaded the pictures of our wedding so that our guest could finally look at them. We were still in so good spirits!
Around 9 pm the phone rang. It was my mum. I have never heard her say my name like she did and I hope I will never hear it like this again. I knew immediately something bad had happened. I even referred it to Alexander. She said something like "Alexander shot himself. You and Luke have to come home." I did not ask any questions. I just said OK and hung up. I was in shock. I don't remember what I did next, Luke told me. Apparently I just leaned against the wall, slid down and sat completely powerless on the ground. Finally I told Luke, Alexander shot himself. He asked me whether he was dead. Only then did I realize that I did not know for sure. All of a sudden there was this little bit of hope inside me, even though I knew the answer. I called my mum back and asked. After that, I knew for sure that my little brother had died.