Birthday again

I wanted to write Alexander a letter for his birthday but then it was all so busy and alive that I did not find the time for it. Yes, the birthday of Alexander and Walter was lively, we were celebrating Walter’s life. What an amazing thing.
For most of the day I was busy making a nice cake for Walter so I had some time to think but not to write. And it was mainly positive thoughts or life connected thoughts, not too much thinking about the past. However, in the morning I did what I had planned to do, I bought a small bouquet for Alexander and put it on his grave together with mum. It was a good time and good to do it together since it allowed us to talk about him, to share our feelings and to just give him some time that day. Shortly after that I headed out to my grandma’s so it was not too long, just the right time. I miss him so much, it is still so unbelievable that he is gone. And yet it was good to be celebrating Walter and his life. We had the birthday dinner at my aunt’s house which was nice since it was just a different setting and not so many memories connected with earlier birthdays. We had a nice evening together and it was fine. My thoughts were especially with my mum who is still having a very hard time while I can see light at the horizon. That does not mean it is easy for me but I still feel that right around now I can see that I might be able to get my life together again. However, when I see my mum I know that she is not nearly anywhere close to where I am. I am worried about her. I hope one day she can be where I am now.