17 months

Dear Alexander,

Another month passed without you. Some months just seem to fly by, this one was certainly one of this kind. There is so much you are missing out on, so much that I would love to tell you. The in my mind most exciting news first: You are going to be an uncle! I am sure you would have been such a loving and caring uncle, and I am so very very sad you will not be there to see your first niece/nephew. We all miss you so much.
Sophie is getting excited and would love to share her plans with you. I know you would be so very proud of her and what she is doing! Dorothée on the other hand would probably really appreciate your advice. She is so lost with what to do with her life, having such a hard time deciding and knowing what is best for her. Of course me and the other siblings are there for her but still it is your piece of advice that is missing. With your particular view of the world, of options that are out there you would have simply added another point of view. I know she misses to hear that.
How do you feel about missing so much of our lives? Do you even notice? Are you happy? It is so amazing, I thought maybe I would at some point just be fine not getting an answer to those questions, but if that point ever comes it most certainly is not here quite yet. Are you still glad you did what you did? To yourself, to us? Was it worth it?
With life being that busy I had a bit less time to ponder about those questions but they are there with me every day, every hour. Sometimes they don’t reach the surface but that does not mean that they are not there. I hope you know, feel that you are being missed. So tremendously, so enormously. Every single day, every single hour, every single minute.
And you are being loved, forever.
Yours, Carola